Shelving a book
I don't know if anyone can relate or has struggled when dealing with past relationships, but most recently I had to make a big decision.
I normally don't blog personal stuff, but the outcome of this decision has given me strength, so I felt like sharing.
My girlfriend in college was my life for so many years. The story was full of romance, excitement, challenges, and unfortunately tragedies. I once quoted our relationship as, "a roller coaster ride." Unfortunately, we ran out of tickets.
The following relationships always failed, I think mostly because of my fear of commitment but also because I was jaded to emotional relationships.
Well, as I hit on in a previous blog, I ran into Courtney at a bar recently. Slowly we have started to communicate more and more. It was starting to confuse me. My intentions were possibly to help her but I found myself thinking of the "what-if's." I have never known anyone like I knew her. And being single and not seeing her in over three years I struggled with what to do. So I just came out and asked her! "Why are we talking again?" For a couple weeks I struggled with a decision that was very tough. I knew that I was suppose to end this and offer a sense of closure to the relationship. I've known her since I was nineteen years old. I felt like I was deciding to banish a family member.
I talked with a couple people about this and I thank you for listening! I felt like if I was to proceed in this direction I would be not only be distancing myself from my friends, possibly a future relationship, but my Lord. Her heart is hard and I now know it is not my place to heal it.
I decided recently to take this piece of my past and shelve it. I most definitely have learned from this relationship and all my relationships. But what I seek now is so much different. I guess that is why I am so timid to start a new relationship. But the future looks promising! This past week has been different. Even though I cut ties to a relationship, at the same time I feel myself building new and better relationships.
I left my long time ex with my testimony. I only pray that one day she finds the truth and that she finds her way to the living book.
I normally don't blog personal stuff, but the outcome of this decision has given me strength, so I felt like sharing.
My girlfriend in college was my life for so many years. The story was full of romance, excitement, challenges, and unfortunately tragedies. I once quoted our relationship as, "a roller coaster ride." Unfortunately, we ran out of tickets.
The following relationships always failed, I think mostly because of my fear of commitment but also because I was jaded to emotional relationships.
Well, as I hit on in a previous blog, I ran into Courtney at a bar recently. Slowly we have started to communicate more and more. It was starting to confuse me. My intentions were possibly to help her but I found myself thinking of the "what-if's." I have never known anyone like I knew her. And being single and not seeing her in over three years I struggled with what to do. So I just came out and asked her! "Why are we talking again?" For a couple weeks I struggled with a decision that was very tough. I knew that I was suppose to end this and offer a sense of closure to the relationship. I've known her since I was nineteen years old. I felt like I was deciding to banish a family member.
I talked with a couple people about this and I thank you for listening! I felt like if I was to proceed in this direction I would be not only be distancing myself from my friends, possibly a future relationship, but my Lord. Her heart is hard and I now know it is not my place to heal it.
I decided recently to take this piece of my past and shelve it. I most definitely have learned from this relationship and all my relationships. But what I seek now is so much different. I guess that is why I am so timid to start a new relationship. But the future looks promising! This past week has been different. Even though I cut ties to a relationship, at the same time I feel myself building new and better relationships.
I left my long time ex with my testimony. I only pray that one day she finds the truth and that she finds her way to the living book.
posted by Jonathan at 10:17:00 AM
1 Comments:
wow - the guts to do it and the guts to tell the tale. consider me impressed. again.
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