Guilt in the Wind

This past Link Group we discussed the idea of Guilt and Regret. Since then, I have attempted to find areas in my life where I may have or currently feel guilt. Guilt is in essence a disturbance in ones conscience. Today I will share a glimpse into my past. During my college days I was hardly living a Godly life, in fact I did my best to avoid anything related to or involved with such a thing. My life at the time was a journey of decadence and living life for the next thrill, or high. Roughly nine years ago I can remember one specific night where my night went from euphoric to nearly over. Sadly, this is just one example, when as to I have had a couple near falls. Recently, I found a letter I wrote and saved from this night. I honestly believed that during this night, that these would be my last words. I still find them curiously interesting.

_______________________________________________________

Wind

On this Thursday morning; early morning at that, by cause of late nights. The feeling is very nice but weird, scary weird. I am different, almost… I feel heavenly aspects and evil aspects. The days are bright. Then other days are dim and hard. I am envisioning great deals of patient moving moods of mud and soft sand. I see dark in the background and us; when we were young but aged boys, and a sweet smiley sister. But this family’s eyes were all serious and stern, not harsh enough to throw an idea of mean or sad. We were there, that in what I saw was the mother, sound and just a perfect mother. The father was in the back behind us, always protecting us from evil and showed me why love is the strongest power. It is what life should be like, and that its passion to make smiles and good feelings to be passed and shared. I love my family so much, they are who made me. They made a guy who was a jerk , but also a real gentleman in the other. I have matured like increasing pieces of this amount of promise. I stood strong to challenges. As I find a way to be different, I need to change my path, it is not right and my talents should be to help others find this pure power. I am not in a stable condition. I am Jon in a different way. This way shows futuristic situations. Time travel Brian that is what it all is about baby… This is very different right now: I am fighting it, and I have to resist. I can’t fold, I need sun and white bright smiles of a happy stay or state. Both pose serious intentions in what I so subconsciously and consciously am saying. Or maybe I like pizza, doughnuts, not bagels, I would love a candy bar or gummy worms. Colored rocks… I see things serious and more efficient, and a smart way of doing. Loops lay are a cool thing. I love the beach, love the sun, and Love JESUS. I feel your power! “My Sweet Lord” I love you. ~Jon

PS. I AM EATING CRACKERS RIGHT NOW…

______________________________________________________

Today, I read this and cannot think of any reason to feel guilt or shame. If anything I should think I was totally whacked! But honestly I will say that I am truly thankful that I lived through these times. This just happened to be one of the many obstacles that may have helped me understand that there was more beauty in life than I could see. Events like these just make it more evident to me that God is using and working in my life. Without Him I would not be here. I only hope that I can take any guilt that I may have and throw it to the wind.

“Lord, God. I thank you for life and miracles. I ask you to continue to show me understanding and my purpose. Through You I know we have hope, and we all are forgiven. Please continue to make this apparent to me even during those tough times when we feel like failures. May I continue to walk towards You and away from the past. With this I pray”-Amen